Morning News Round-Up -- 3.8.10: Full body scanner...

Is Steve Poizner now the most pathetic politician in California? He is trying to sell himself as another person with his initials: Sarah Palin. Can you imagine a conversation between the two?

Poizner: Governor Palin? It's Steve Poizner from California

Palin: Ah shucks Steve, we have the same darn initials, don't we.

Poizner: Yes ma'am, I guess we do, but I'm calling to see if you'd consider endorsing my candidacy?

Palin: Are you calling because we have the same initials?

Poizner: No ma'am, I am the true conservative in the race and I thought you'd like that.

Palin: SP endorses SP... that would be a cool headline. Do you like guns?

Poizner: I didn't use to, but I kind of do now.

Palin: Are you pro-life?

Poizner: I wasn't, but I can be if it helps.

Palin: Have you read my book?

Poizner: I did.

Palin: Did that ebay chick?

Poizner: I don't think so...

Even though they can't seem to pay for their grand opening, once SJC does open its new doors, there will be full body scanners greeting you.

Speaking of Councilmember Pierluigi Oliverio...

Councilmember Pierluigi Oliverio will get his day in the sunshine this week when his idea to get affordable housing developers to pay park fees, which they haven't had to do before in San Jose. They haven't done so because it was seen as a burden to pitch in for parks (or build parks) for affordable housing developers in the past, but money is money and parks are parks and Oliverio has been pit-bullish on this...

Perhaps affordable housing developers can also pay to keep The Rep afloat... because nothing else has seemed to work. This could be it for the theatre...

Is downtown Palo Alto the center of the (incredibly whacky) "open carry" movement? Before you write something edgy in response to this story online or on Facebook, remember what happened to the East Palo Alto Police Officer who did... We wonder if the open carry folks are smart enough to realize that Palo Alto is different than East Palo Alto...

Don't worry too much, because Palo Alto is also where Dr. Phil will be shooting... not guns, but a television show. But City officials are asking Dr. Phil not to focus too much on Palo Alto's string of teen suicides.

Voters in Los Gatos will be going to the ballot to vote on a $3.9 million school bond. $3.9 million? Isn't that the same as the average home price in Los Gatos?

Would you be surprised to know that Senator Joe Simitian scored a $3,183.20 trip to Boca Raton Florida from a special interest? We were. (Would you actually pay to spend time with Simitian?) The special interest group is the Soap and Detergent Association, which may seem squeeky clean, but I'm sure the good folks at the water treatment plants feel a little differently.

And Simitian's friends at the Soap and Detergent Association won't be able to text the Senator if a new bill passes the Legislature. Sort of a San Jose-like ordinance for Sacramento. To the bill, the Merc Ed Board says: OMG TY...

Internal Affairs is really getting into the San Jose District 9 race... did you know that Jim Cogan and Don Rocha played on the same basketball team? It gets better: Jim thinks Don was a ball hog. At least the issues are getting a fully hearing in this race. Perhaps a one-on-one game would be in order? "You and me. One-on-one. The winner gets Judy's office..."

The good folks at the Morgan Hill Times take a look at the story after the story about the Hollister-born Pentagon shooter.